Lens I see the world from
Prompt: What story do you tell yourself about the world?
Time: 45 minutes
Written as part of Indie Web Club Session #36.
The way I see the world underwent a major change in my twenties - like many people I know. But it left some core beliefs behind, through which I now see the world.
“Every human heartbeat is a universe of possibilities.”
I remember reading this on the internet more than a decade ago and wondering what these beautifully strung words meant. After some digging, I discovered that it was from the book Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. The author describes how he used to believe that one’s fate is unchangeable but slowly discovered that no matter one’s luck, one has the power to change their life completely.
Out of context, this might seem cliched, like something you’d expect some motivation guru to say. But to me, this quote served as a mantra for the better part of my twenties.
While I don’t refer to this quote as much these days, one of my core beliefs stemmed from internalizing it:
You always have a choice.
This is the story I tell myself when I encounter the world - that no matter what happens, I always have a choice.
I know many readers reading this might feel strongly about this and perhaps even disagree. Here’s why I believe and will continue to believe that.
Halfway-way through my college life, I’d started becoming disillusioned with the world - I used to believe that everything happens for a reason, that whatever happens, happens for the best. While that thought comforted me as a ten year old, as a twenty year old it prevented me from taking responsibility for my actions and my power and influence over how the world worked.
I made mistakes, but refused to suffer the consequences of them by trying to hide behind the veil of “everything happens for a reason’. “If something bad happened, it’s okay - it probably happened for the good. You don’t know what would have happened otherwise.”
Later in life, I discovered a name for it - rationalization.
My antidote to unlearn it? The mantra: You always have a choice.
Repeating the mantra to myself every day (I am not kidding) for I don’t know how many years, was the start of the Roshni you see today.
Today, if I hear anyone say anything on these lines of “everything happens for good” or “what choice did they have” and not pause to examine that statement further, or worse, refuse a discourse on it, it boils my blood. Or maybe it cools it down because it takes effort to not be cold to them, then.
This is not the same as “free will”. That debate is for another day.
But choice? That is different. It is unique to an individual and the circumstances they find themselves in. It nudges you to see opportunities where someone else does not want you to, or does not know how.
When you believe in your core that you have the choice in every situation, you begin to think creatively, act and speak differently - you come from a place of constructive action and power. In order to be able to do something hard, you must believe in your heart of hearts that you have a choice, that the solution exists.
Power may not always look powerful. It may not always be loud. But it surely shifts something in you.
Over time this belief enabled me to take some hard decisions in life - again and again and again, till it became a habit.
It changed how I showed up for myself and people I care about. In other words I took control of the way I was living my life and actively steered it (and continued to steer it) in the direction I would like for it to go.
Lately, I feel I could use this reminder. To start seeing more opportunities and choices.
I feel like I have steered my life well enough in my twenties that I am now sitting on the shore, taking in the views. I haven’t been faced with too many dilemmas lately which made me wonder if I have sat on the shore a little longer than I’d have liked.
Truth is, when I trained my brain to see choices, it was primarily when I was faced with hard situations. I learnt to see choices where apparently none existed. Now, I am learning to create my own opportunities without a “hard” situation being the trigger (and that is a privilege I will surely acknowledge).
I am now learning to embrace the universe of possibilities, be in awe of them and then choose which of these possibilities I want to make reality.
It’s a work in progress.
